Love's Looking Glass

Seemingly forbidden yet irrecovably present is the haunting memory of your presence that plagues my every thought

The smell of your vibrance and the illumination of your scent leaves me to wonder is this love or lust....or could it possibly be both?

Can this type of love exist without sensuous desires prolonged by distant fulfillment...can this strong of a lust maintain without the deep seeded affection bloomed into a garden of happily ever afters and intensified longing for the embrace of another

My heart cries out in agonizing angst for the day to come when we no longer wait out the storm...instead we give each other the courage to dance in the rain. Releasing our souls into the abyss known as the freedom of happiness yet entraping our hearts in the ever expanding enigma known as love

My heart cries out to you even when I cannot hear it...even when i wish it didn't...even when I've commanded it to move forward in silence without ever looking back to you or forward to the possibility of you

My heart knows not of logic..just its simple animalistic desires to attain that feeling of fulfillment again...through the darkness...the fire...the torment it will repeatedly travel just to catch a glimpse of your essence

Turn away heart...turn your glare back to me...see that I am drowning in my own tears...in my own regrets...in my own desires...in my own thoughts...I am YOUR master...turn your glare back to me...obey me...listen to me...save me

Yet my cries fall on no ears at all for even deaf ears could hear the tearful shrieking of my pleas...a falter?...maybe you do hear me. Even in hearing my demands, my cries, my pleas you do not turn around...I am your master...you are a part of me...why do you not listen?

In that instance I finally realized...I am not your master but you are mine. The strongest of all parts of this mortal earthbound body...you are your own master.

Please...turn my heart away from you for it will not heed my cries...but I look closer...this mirror reflection of myself...this identical person is not me...its you. Your heart has left you just as mine has escaped my grasp...they both live on an alternative plane together existing in perpetual perfect love; yet we have been left here to suffer in seeming lonliness while we are truly only but a mirror's reflection apart.

I touch the mirror and feel the heat of your existence...the burning glow of your essence, but with only logic here to empower me I am not strong enough to break the mirror to get to you. Seven years of a complicated relationship past plus the fear of seven years damnation ahead I cannot...I must sorrowfully remain here...drowning in my own tears to quelch the longing desire of your touch...your presence...your heart.

Today is the day my heart no longer cries...feelings it can no longer hide..for it has finally been set free of its captor...its oppressor...its enemy...

Ironically not you...but me.

"A Song For You"

My first adult blog...and rightfully entitled "A Song For You"...for those of you who don't know that's a song by Donny Hathaway...if you've never heard it stop and go listen to it NOW...life changer.

Have you ever just sat and analyzed yourself; your faults...your accomplishments...stregnths...weaknesses...etc etc? I have...and I came up with two conclusions... 1. "A Song For You" was written about me and my relationship with not only certain people, but with life as well. "...I've acted out my life in stages with 10,000 people watching..." should lowkey be my middle name. 2. The reality of it all is that the world really is a stage and you'll either choose to conform and live your life by other people's expectations in an attempt to please them or you'll live your life for yourself and pay every blessing or benefit you receive forward...I choose the later.

When you're caught up amidst a life of chaos there is one thing that can save you...becoming an outkast. I would say that solitude could do the same thing, but in reality it can't....there is a drastically noticeable difference between deciding not to versus not having the option at all. How do I know?...lol trust me I know. I'm an ex-officio member of the Board of Directors for that shit...which means I was but I observed and evolved rather than being one and continuing down the same destructive path. I've lost people, things, aspirations, lifestyles...you name it I probably lost it. However, in losing these things I found something else...ENLIGHTENMENT. Enlightenment of self, of others, of spirituality, of endurance and contenment, and of life in general. If I've only learned one thing its this....the world you live in is seldom the world that truly exists. Not on some Matrix type shit, but on some never put all of your eggs in one basket because 90% of the time the basket is a mirage and your eggs are crashing into the ground below...completely oblivious to you of course. That is until that one day when you reach to pick up the basket, or for one of the eggs, and the mirage fades away leaving you with the realization of lost time, empty promises, and not even a pot to piss in. It is in this moment that you look at yourself in the mirror and ask, "What the fuck have you been doing?!?"

You can never win a fight to keep something that you never truly had...this statement is like the real life version of the "WAKE UP!" scene in School Daze.

(Insert man who always screams MESSAGE!)

• If you continuously have to chase after someone....they DO NOT FUCK WITH YOU!!! Let go and let God because if it's meant to be then it will...if its not then there is no use in wasting your time and energy chasing it because its not happening anyway.


• If you fuck up and people talk shit about you...so the fuck what...95% of them have been doing it all along and the other 5% were just waiting on the opportunity.


• 90% your "friends" aren't your friends...they're just people you see alot


• Don't write off everybody because some people are just afraid to talk to you because its not the "in" thing to do.


• The only way a person can break you down is if you willingly give them that power. The people that really deserve your protection won't ask for it....the people that really deserve for you to think the way they do won't ask you to....the people that really deserve your respect won't have to scream for it


• Lastly, be thankful for the rare occasion of making true friends and additions to your family because contrary to popular belief....IT DOES NOT HAPPEN EVERYDAY! (Equation: Total # of facebook friends - your ride or die people that you grew up with X the # of years since you first left home - the 1% of true friends you have gained = the # of people who DON'T FUCKING MATTER)

NOTE: Before people start talking that shit about orgs and everything go ahead and kill yourself. Take a good look at what your bro, bruh, sister, soror, LB, front, back, yadda yadda yadda is doing or saying behind your back and then redo your equation. Not saying that some of the 1% can't come from with an organization, but PLEASE don't generalize. [Previous statement is a proven fact...for example your bro that is faithfully and whole heartedly trying to wife YOUR girl when he knows how much you care about her..tsk tsk tsk]

My 1% currently equals 15 people (6 new family members, 9 friends)

The current answer to my equation is A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE!

"I know your image of me is what I hope to be...I treated you unkindly...can't you see through me....I love you in a place where there's no space or time...I LOVE YOU FOR MY LIFE...you're a friend of mine..." I guess I'll try and end it in this section because I could go on forever. That last part of the song is where I currently reside in life. I've made many mistakes, hurt somebody close to me I truly cared about, and have just in general done fucked up things. BUT my mistakes nor my past will ever represent me as a person and they definitely won't keep me from my future. Sometimes you have to lose things for it to get real...and God is an expert at making sure you lose them. Do I have regrets...who doesn't...would I change it...if I could I would but I can't so that's that.

PAUSE: Hey...YOU THERE! Yea you in that big ass glass house...while you're busy judging...be thankful that I don't blow your house up bc those who are first to judge are usually those who have biometric locks on their closets...BUT what you might not remember is I know what's in your closet and exactly when it got there...each and every item...good thing I won't write a brief for the world to see. Or will I???

We now continue with our regularly scheduled programming...

The bigger picture in life is going to require open eyes and a vast grasp of many things...don't waste your time, energy and talent on the fluff...love hard but love smart...never say by any means necessary...and never let your actions contradict your heart.

To the person I hurt who understands the song of my life..."...If my words don't come together...listen to the melody because my love is in there hiding..."

Goodbye to the golden days of IHOP, 3am Broiled Steak, & the HIGH life...

Hello to the tomorrow of the music city, finishing undergrad, law school, and life thereafter...

Some things I will take from one to the next...some have already been lost in transition. But you won't find me complaining...I'll just be admiring the color purple & keeping my eyes in the sky watching God.

Until the next episode...peace, love, and happiness...bc someday we'll all be free.